So close so far

Once again, I woke up with those blurry images, half dreaming. Cu zambetul pe buze. This month saved me, this month changed me more than any person, experience, or whatever. I was talking to Nasty, the bimbo blond half german, half ukrainian, totally crazy girl.It's been almost two years ago that think about it every single day. The main challenge is to shut up because you cannot explain what is unutterable.I have tried a thousand times writing about it. Could be that I am scared of forgetting some details but that cannot be.I could write a thousand texts and it will never be the same story. No version fits.

    Just imagine that, by some magic, you are suddenly in another country which you know nothing about. Bound to meet 30 people. Well, some people could think ok, that is just Erasmus but that actually was not. In one week I untangled from the depressive, psychotic circle. Nobody missed me, and I did not think about my family, my friends, my boyfriend. I did not care at all. Though it does not sound like the camp I usually am.

Go explain them that you have started an entire new life there, as if you were newly born at 20 in another country. Go explain them that you could not speak with your best Sardinian friend. Go explain them that languages was no matter. How can you pretend knowing someone when you do not even speak the same language ? Go fucker, go.

 She and I stepped off the bus, looking for some taxi. Nobody could understand anything, so we got lost with this man, and from then on we've never find our way again.We were just trying to explain an adress and finally Andrei was in front the hostel with this smile. Here is the first Romanian I met. Small, skiny boy, amazingly cute. We entered and had the best welcome ever. Andrei was speaking German, Spanish, Russian, French and Italian fluently. My job is to be tired, said he. I could not understand this sentence until we came back there 5 months after and woke him up at 5am. He smiled at us. It was his job. She and I went out on the main square and we told each other stupid thing like, I feel good in this country. This feeling remained. The first night we arrived, I had the only very bad experience for the whole year. But we ran into Andrei in the streets and he huged me. I was paralysed and I loved him. Charlotte Bronte said he. Cramps all night. Check-out. Check-in in the residence where we found our rooms, we throw our bags in it.  37 degrees, dogs and chickens everywhere in the craziest city ever. Lisa and Anastasya were waiting for us.  Austria and Germany. I'll never get along with those girls thought I. Bullshit you, past you, dead you. Classroom, split, a woman started to talk in Romanian and we all understood that she was not going to translate anything in any other language. That worked. Romanian got us closer.

 The soft look of Poland, Italian scarce, German problem, Hungarian exuberance, Portuguese fever, Belgium rules, Spanish shouts, the magic Romania, fantazia. The dinner with all of you. Laughter and fights. Here comes the night. No lights, dark and red surrounding and you, talking about music. I understood happiness this very night, a kind of epiphany. Here began one year of gossips. I was just above, or out. It was time to get away, from you. It was time to laugh. Time to speak to people who understand what is going on. How to do things. Not having to explain the basis of respect, politeness and other stuff that when infringed can hurt. That's for normal people, that was he used to say. So, consider me as normal.

  So fast is a late train to unknown trash scapes. We were late. We caught up. Every single night I laughed until it hurts. Ok, we pretend not to care. Ok we all cried and this turned strange when going to Bucarest, mountains, other countries. But I untangled from that point. I was learning another language.Yesterday night I was talking with one of them and I could not hear my phone ringing. Though it was you. And today I had a message from Germany. Sometimes it sounds absurd to me, those people cannot exist. I love them too much. This is an everlasting burst of love I am feeling. Something I never put into question. Something much higher, more continuous.